WHAT ONE LOVES is a film about the narcissistic / dysfunctional bond between a mother and her son, raising questions about fear of abandonment, encroaching love, and emotional dependency — questions rooted in the psychological conflict of denying and sacrificing one’s own self.

Narcissism, as an inner psychological conflict, does not mean self-love — contrary to how the term is often used superficially and excessively in society. A narcissistic attachment or relationship is based on the desire for admiration, validation, and control, and exploits the other person. Behind the strong and confident façade of a narcissistic personality lies a vulnerable self. Because of low self-esteem, feelings of inferiority, and fear of loss, this vulnerable self is constantly struggling with intense shame, self-doubt, self-deprecation, loneliness, and isolation. A narcissistic person does not merely suffer from something — they suffer from themselves. In their subjective experience, they do not love themselves too much, but too little — in fact, they hate themselves.

Since the suffering caused by this condition accompanied me for much of my life, engaging with it artistically has become a form of personal growth and development. Loving is one of the deepest and most fundamental human needs — therefore my aim is to explore the complexity of a person’s love that is in conflict with their own self-experience and self-worth.